A Surprise Worth Waiting For: Why We’re Not Sharing the Gender of Baby #4

There are a few thoughtful reasons why we’ve chosen not to share the gender of baby #4, and this decision has been rooted in protecting peace, joy, and what feels most meaningful for our family during this season.

One thing motherhood continues to teach me is that becoming the woman we are meant to be often requires quiet confidence in the choices we make for our families. Not every decision will make sense to everyone around us, and that’s okay. Sometimes honoring your season means protecting it.

From early on, we’ve had many people ask if we know the gender — sometimes even before we were able to find out ourselves. While I know these questions usually come from excitement and love, they’ve been heavier than I expected. Along with the questions often come expectations, especially the hope that this baby will be a girl, and the subtle suggestion that having another boy would somehow be a disappointment.

But, I want to be very clear — another boy would not be a disappointment to us.

Would we love a girl? Of course. Both Matt and I have imagined what it might be like to have a daughter — how sweet it would be, the little dates we might have one day, the shopping trips, the matching outfits, and the memories that would come with that season.

But whether this baby is a boy or a girl, we are blessed.
And truthfully, we already are.

As women and mothers, it can be easy to feel the pressure of other people’s expectations — what our families should look like, what we should hope for, or how our stories should unfold. But motherhood has been reminding me that peace often comes when we release those expectations and simply embrace the family God has given us. It’s about being grateful and understanding the purpose of each child and their little quirks. It’s about being still, and listening to the Holy Spirit of who each unique child is and positioning them and training them to become all that they are meant to be.

If this baby is another boy, I want to enjoy every moment of that familiar and beautiful role of being a boy mom — the energy, the chaos, the laughter, and the deep joy that comes with raising sons.

And if we are blessed with a girl, that will be a completely new journey for Matt and me. A new season to learn and grow in together. A new season to teach our boys what it would mean to have a little sister and what their new roles would be.

Either way, this baby is deeply loved.

But the biggest reason we’re keeping the gender private actually has very little to do with expectations.

It has everything to do with our children.

Our two older boys have asked for the gender to be a surprise for them, and we want to honor that. We don’t want them to accidentally overhear conversations or pick up on hints. They love guessing, dreaming, and talking about the baby, and keeping it a surprise has made this season even more special for them. They love the mystery of it all and are expectantly waiting for another one to join in on their adventures.

Our third child technically “knows” the gender, but he’s still under two and doesn’t fully understand what that means. To him, there’s simply a baby on the way — and that’s enough. He happily calls the baby baby, and there’s something really sweet about that simplicity. He already loves the baby and excitingly kisses and hugs my belly knowing that he is going to be a big brother soon!

Motherhood is made up of these small decisions — the ones where we choose to protect wonder, protect joy, and protect the hearts of our children.

Childhood holds so many fleeting moments of wonder, and whenever we can preserve even a small piece of that, we want to.

When the day finally comes, our boys will experience a moment they’ll remember forever: discovering whether they’re welcoming another brother or finally a sister. Their lives are about to change in such a big way, and this is one small but meaningful gift we can give them.

So this is why we aren’t sharing the gender of baby #4.
We’re choosing to protect this season, honor our children’s wishes, and hold space for joy without expectations.

A Reflection for This Season of Motherhood

One thing I’m learning in this season of marriage and motherhood is that becoming the woman we are meant to be often happens quietly.

It happens in the way we guard our hearts.
In the way we lead our families with intention.
And in the way we choose peace even when the world around us is loud with opinions.

If you’re in a season where you feel pressure from expectations — whether from family, culture, or even your own fears — I hope this reminds you that it’s okay to slow down and honor the story God is writing for your family.

Sometimes the most meaningful moments are the ones we protect.

Because motherhood isn’t only about raising children — it’s also about becoming the woman we were created to be along the way.