Our Foolproof Guide to “Failing” at Sleep Training

This post was supposed to be about how we successfully sleep trained our three boys… in the same room.

But as you can probably tell, this isn’t that story.

As a mom of three—with baby number four on the way—I felt this urgency to get everything in order before stepping into a new season. Sleep train the boys. Create independence. Build a routine that would make life feel just a little more manageable once the baby arrived.

Because in theory, that makes sense, right?

But here’s what I’m learning in this season of motherhood… what works on paper doesn’t always work in your home.

At the end of last year, we changed our entire nighttime routine with one goal in mind—to have our boys sleeping independently before baby #4 arrived. We had a plan. We had intention. We even had a timeline.

And still… it hasn’t worked.

Not because we didn’t try. Not because we weren’t consistent. But because our family—our boys, our season—needed something different.

And I’m slowly learning that it’s okay to let go of the idea that they’ll be sleep trained before this next baby comes.

Our boys share a room, their beds lined up right next to each other. It’s sweet—it really is. But it also means laughter, conversations, and a whole lot of “just one more thing” before bed.

Especially with a two-year-old in the mix… and the oldest just being five.

So yes, most nights Matt or I sit in their room on Isaiah’s bed until they fall asleep. Sometimes both of us. Sometimes we take turns. And instead of constantly trying to fix it, I’ve started to accept it for what it is—this is just the season we’re in.

The adult stuff still gets done… just not always when we planned.

The dishes get done—eventually.
The clothes get folded (and hopefully put away)—eventually.
The house gets cleaned—together.

And if we’re lucky, they’re all asleep before 9pm and we get a little time to just be husband and wife again.

It may not look like the routine we imagined… but it’s the one we have. And right now, it’s the one that’s working for us.

So here it is—

Our Foolproof Guide to Sleep Training Failure:

• Don’t start early—and don’t rely on a course to do it for you

• Do cuddle your babies a little longer

• Sleep before they sleep (because yes, we’ve both fallen asleep in their room out of pure exhaustion)

• Don’t leave the room until they fall asleep

• Do let them climb into your bed in the middle of the night

I know letting them sleep in your bed sounds exhausting… and sometimes it is.

But honestly, for us, it’s been less exhausting than walking them back to their room over and over again in the middle of the night.

For the most part, they do sleep through the night in their room.

But some nights, they trickle in one by one.
Other nights, we wake up with all three of them in our bed.

And instead of resisting it, I’ve learned to receive it.

Because one day, they won’t need this.

They won’t need me to sit beside them while they fall asleep.
They won’t climb into our bed in the middle of the night.
They won’t ask for one more hug, one more cuddle, one more moment.

And while I do believe we are all learning—slowly—to sleep on our own…

Right now, we’re also learning something deeper.

We’re learning to embrace the season we’re in.
To choose presence over perfection.
To let go of what we thought it should look like… and lean into what it actually is.

And maybe this isn’t failure after all.

Maybe this is becoming the family we’re supposed to be.

One that slows down. One that stays close.
One that chooses connection, even when it’s messy.

Because these nights won’t last forever.
These little feet won’t always find their way into our bed.
And they won’t always need us like this.

So for now, we’ll hold them a little longer.
We’ll sit beside them. We’ll stay.

And if this is what this season looks like—
then we’re right where we’re meant to be.